Post I - Blame

Whose fault is it when
those tiny details slip through the cracks in my skull;
things always explode
but don't really make a difference,
and here I am running back and forth
trying to catch everything at once
while it gets snatched out from under me,
and whose fault is it?

I don't try to duck when the blame flies to splatter
against the walls; no,
I stand up and close my eyes and
it whacks straight into my face,
it drips down my chin to stain my clothes
and ruins the floor.
The floor was my fault too.

I'm glad everyone has a punching bag.
I'm glad everyone has someone
to complain to, to underestimate, to disregard, to fight.
I'm glad that everyone has someone to stand
on the other side
of a line drawn in the sand.
Better them than me; and it probably is.
The guilt would burn me anyway.

So now I'm trying to keep up,
and I'm doing well. I'm doing.
Really well.
actually, and
I have to say so
because no one else wants to.
But it's always the details that
slip away and explode into
these one-sided conflicts
where the blame flies like bullets
that hit me in the throat.
Whose fault is it?
That's all I want to know.


About: Logically, I'm still trying to make myself realize that I'm overreacting, but I get confused about who overreacted and who was just reacting. It seems like some of the people in my life take what I do every day for granted. For one of the only times in my life, I'm starting to get a good perspective on my overall actions and reactions, where I'm going, where I am, what I need to do, and what I've already accomplished. It's frustrating when people accept passively the majority of things that I do right and fixate on everything I do wrong.

L